Wed 25th August 2010

We had a lovely break in Cardiff and in Llandudno. I managed to gain 3 lbs (on my home scales) and Neil (grrrr......) lost a lb (how??????? He ate the same stuff I did?)

Got some nice pics to puy up later today. We took Buster for a nice walk to the village this morning and on the way there J pulled up with J and her little sister B. So they parked the car and walked to the village with us, we then all walked home and J and J went back to the car with B and they have gone to J's house for the resy of the day, (they rented a few films from Blockbuster).

Am making an effort today to get back to healthier eating. Was watching Gillima McKeith progs on tv last night. Is making me want to cut all the crap out of my diet (eh WHAT DIET?)

We decided that aprt from taking Buster out for 2 walks (and some houseowrk) that we would not go out in the car today, cept maybe if we need shopping later. We still have to get R's new school uniform and new shoes (cost a fortune as you have to get them from the school shop and nowhere else though the school uniform shop in B,Head is not too bad ie £35 or thereabouts for the blazer, £9 per skirt, £10 for tank top, and she needs about 5 new school blouses). Shoes are the next dearest at about £32 a pair (we always get good school shoes as cheap shoes are rubbish and hurt the feet.) For myself I have found that more expensive shoes are much better for my feet. I went to the chiropodist the other week and she said not to wear flat shoes with no support. I had a pair of cheap canvas shoes on and to be fair my feet have been hurting - so no more cheap shoes that cripple my feet. School uniform (new) costs in all about £100 or so (arghghg).But you gotta get it and thats that. I think the girls look lovely when they go back to school in their new uniform. Can't believe that R will be in year 8 (2nd year of high school) and that she is 13 in October!!!!!!

SOme pics
Me with J (J's girlfriend) and her little sister B, she is such a lovely little 3 yr old, very very chatty and intelligent, I asked her what she wants for her birthday which is in January and she said "a pink iPod" !!!!!!!
R with J and B. B cannot say R's name properly and calls her Iran.
Neil and R at Cardiff Bay
Neil and R on the 45 minute boat cruise round Cardiff Bay, they had a litte bar on board and we had a tea and a coffee!
Me at the Dr Who exhibition in Cardiff Bay
Neil by the Tardis!
Group pic of us all in Cardiff (with Meils publisher friend Steve and his writer friend Mark)
R and I in Cardiff Bay
Sculpture by Cardiff Castle
Me by Torchwood Tower, we also had pics taken by it when the water was coming down it (got really wet!) We looked for John Barrowman but did not see him unfortunately!!!!
A bar that we all went in in Cardiff which was very nice and elegant
The stairs going up to the loos in the bar in Cardiff!!!!
ME in the hotel loounge at Llandudno the other day where Neil and I stayed overnight
Neil reading in the lounge
Our room which was very comfy
A bar that Neil and I found in the evening and stayed there for a few hours (oj I did have a bit of a hangover the next morning!)
Me in our hotel room Llandudno
On Llandudno prom

The restuarant where Neil and I had tea in Llandudno (Tiffanys)
The hotel that we stayed at Llandudno
R and I when we took Buster out the other day.

Had a panic attack tonight. Have no idea why. I just started getting short of breathe and felt a bit dizzy and panicky? Lasted for a while. Didn't have any other symptoms. It was weird, I was just watching telly and started feeling like that. Have calmed down a bit now (by coming on computer). It was not nice at all. I have had this in the past, well on the odd occasion. My blood sugar was fine though my pulse was up (haha!) and my bp was high for me 184/83 (normally it's about 120/70. Arghghghghghghg. Am resisting the urge to go downstairs and take my blood pressure again right now. Might check it in the morning though. It's actually 2am and I am not in the mood to go to sleep but I should. Might try and read for a bit and hope I can relax.

 Friday 27th August

Some pics from our trip to Portmerion today (which is where they filmed the original series of The Prisoner (with Patrick Magoon, or however you spell it?)
We had a lovely day even if Neil did drive the wrong way and took us an hours drive out of our way to get there!

R and I in Portmerion
I loved this area it was gorgeous and we bought ice-creams and sat here
Ok, I got caught! But it was such a sunny day and it was hot!
See how hot it was! This was a lovely walk just out of the centre of Portmerion
Me by the nicest bit!
Doesn't it look lovely
Would have been nice to have a paddle in the water!
Gorgeous
Neil on the walk to the beach part which was pretty much below the village
R and Neil this wasn't a proper boat, it was all concrete/stone
R looking out to the water
Neil and R
Near the entrance

On the way home we called in a pub (Harvester) for tea, OMG it was so busy. I had tomato pasta and lots of salad which is very good of me! Came home to find that Buster had almost wrecked the kitchen and can now reach up to stuff on the table, hence 2 or 3 ruined books which were on there. Arghghghg.
Tomorrow I am going to Chester for the day with a friend from work, we are aiming to go on the river and have lunch there. Hope the weather is ok.
I have a Dr's app on Tuesday after work, I thought I should. Just for a kind of check up and well, to see if I can get some pills to help me get over this obsession with my health (since am getting worse and convincing myself I am about to have a heart attack or something). It is seriously stressing me and well, EVERYTHING makes me stressed and angry and I can't seem to snap out of it. Even when we were out today (and having a nice time) I was constantly taking my pulse and feeling panicky about my health. I cannot carry on like this, I think I need a bit of help. I feel seriously seriously stressed and am worried I am going to make myself ill. So yep, I think I need help, can't carry on like this.

I have been trying to help myself, going for walks, deep breathing, I even bought some Back Rescue Remedy (hasn't worked). I am convinced I can't breathe properly. Have a constant headache, shout at the kids, the dog and Neil and simply cannot relax for any period of time. Am not sleeping properly and feel anxious all the time. So sod it, I am off to the Dr's to see if he/she can give me some pills (happy ones) to get over this patch.