Monday 26th July 2010

Been feeling very down and getting upset really. No one thing in particular, just lots of little things I guess. Judith said to me this morning that she would miss my diary and Neil said he would too (and also thank you to Jacqueline) and I do like doing it. I have always kept a diary when I was younger (they are all in the attic) and they often make me feel better. This is the first time ever I have serously thought about not doing my online web diary. I still can't decide whether it's a good thing or not to be doing it? Anway for the time being I am here.

I did go to Slimming World this morning and had lost half a pound which again is neither here nor there. Neil is doing very well and lost over 4 lbs last week, I may have already said this?
We have been taking Buster for fairly long walks and he has been knackered! We took him round the lake at West Kirby and he was chasing the waves, I dunno what he thought they were!

Tuesday 27th July

Well, I said to Neil last night, shall we watch a good film and have a few glasses of wine? So we did. 4 glasses of wine I had. Hhhmmmmmm................not a terribly good idea when you got work next morning plus the fact that I have not been drinking alcohol for ages, simply ages, 7 weeks, 5 days and 18 hrs! Just kidding!. I have been avoiding alcohol cos - just think of all the calories. Not that it's done me a lot of good. Despite cutting out alcohol, I have not lost any more weight have I.

Anyway. SInce admitting to the alcohol I will also admit to

1 cornish pastie (large)
Bar of mint aero
Handful of mixed sweeties from R's bag of mixed sweeties

Not good for the blood sugars (even though I had the correct insulin for it) or the weight of course.
SO am going to be super good from now on, or will try my best.
Work was fine today. Neil said he felt yucky all day (not the alcohol! apparently!) and poor Buster has not been out for a walk once. I would like to go for a walk later round the lake with Neil and R (if she will come and be peeled away from her DS). SHould take Buster round the lake but am not in mood for that, will have to go for walk round the lake. come home and take Buster for a short walk round the avenues. It is actually really nice out today.
Am cooking a healthy tea now (am having quorn sausages and veggies) and Neil and the kids are having spicey sausages and roast potatos n veg, though Neil doesn't like veg (I have to disquise it)

Tired now! Neil and I popped to Bill's (Neil's dad) I took u a lamb stew that I had made and a dessert of fruit sponge and custard for Bill. Then we went to West Kirby and walked round the lake. There was lots of people out, it was lovely and warm though windy. I took some pics and will put them up tomorrow.
THen we came home and then R and I took Buster for a short walk, He is being a pain the the **** between 9pm and 10pm at night, he seems to have this super TOTALLY mad hour where he is very naughty and barks and runs around like a mad thing and growls and nips you. I hope he grows out of this. I've come up to bed cos there's nothing on telly,
Had a big bowl of porridge earlier cos I was hungry, I tell you , if there had been goodies (ie chocolate, biscuits, cake) in the house I would have had some! Just as well we haven't got that sort of stuff in isn't it.

Wednesday 28th July 2010

Some pics taken yesterday and today
Me and Buster earlier tonight when we walked round the lake
Me on the lake yesterday - REMEMBER DIET!

By West Kirby Lake last night when we walked round
People walking around the lake, it was nice and sunny but windy
Boats on the lake,
Today was fine. Was v tired after work though and fell asleep for a few hours afterwards. Had tea (fairly healthy) and Neil and I took Buster for a walk round the lake about 7pm which was nice. Went to the supermarket and tried to get healthy stuff, bought a load of strawberries and looking forward to them for breakfast tomorrow with low fat yogurt.

According to the Wii Fit I am 36 lbs over my ideal weight! I currently weigh 146 lbs (10 st 6 lbs) and the Wii Fit says my ideal weight is 108 lbs (or 7 st 10 lbs)
108 lbs !!!!!!! I mean come on, last time I weighed that was when I was a teenager! The lowest I have weighed in years is 118 lbs in 2003 when I went to Slimming World then. Must say I would like to get down to about 120 lbs if I could. I guess with healthy eating and plenty of exercise it is possible. I had better stop messing about and get on with it then! I just need some willpower!!!!! Got the determination and motivation but ermmmm.....lack the willpower!
I am definately a emotional eater. I eat when stressed, when bored, when sad, when fed up, when depressed. I need to address this - I need to relax with what I am eating, concentrate on eating as healthily as I can and weight loss will follow! YEP! Easy peesey!

Friday 30th July

Was thinking this morning that I am totally fed up of 'dieting' or trying to diet, of trying to follow a 'diet' plan (and usually failing). Am tired of what I eat and don't eat, how good I've been or haven't been - ruling my every day. I am tired of all the time it takes out of my life day in day out.
I've got a job, kids, hubby, things to be getting on with - life to be enjoying and I seem to spend a flipping lot of it beating myself up over what I eat each and every day and how FAT I look (when ok, I am about 20 lbs or so over what I'd really like to be but am not that overweight).

Is any woman, person happy with their weight? Is it society today that has led to us all being obsessed with how we look? When we really should be taking the time to enjoy our lives, to savoury every moment and love ourselves more in order to be happier, to stay happy. We all have ups and downs and stresses and things we have to deal with so why add to all that with day in day out worrying 'OMG I was SO bad yesterday, I ate a chocolate bar'

I pay £5 per week to go and get weighed. I manage to maintain my weight. I do feel a failure for not losing the lbs when everyone around me seems to do it so easily (in the slimming club). The only current plus to going to the slimming club is that I do like the people who go each week, they are a really nice bunch of people and the woman who runs it is lovely.

Guess I was feeling fed up today, fed up of not losing weight (got weighed on work scales and stayed the same), fed up of how I look (see, I must stop doing this) and fed up of feeling I have to be on some sort of diet plan. In reality I cannot just eat what I want and not gain weight, I put on wight VERY easily and my body (for whatever reason) hangs onto it (the weight) VERY easily. I don't eat 'rubbish' every day. I don't fry foods, I don't have full fat milk, butter. I have occasional takeaways, I rarely drink alcohol these days. I AM getting more exercise. BUT still I stay the same weight - BUGGER!!!!!!!!

I am fairly healthy (hopefully), my blood pressure is low, my cholesterol is
low. Ok I have diabetes and it's not as tightly controlled as it could be but I keep trying. I have arthritis that is mainly (thanks to Methotrexate) under control. So on the whole, I am ok. I am going to start each day and say to myself that Today I will do my best to eat as healthy as I can and avoid fatty/sugary foods, I will get at least half an hour exercise done (whatever it is, walking, housework, dancing round the living room to a cd etc). I will smile more, hug Neil and the kids and like myself more and not be so horrid to myself. I will enjoy things more, smell the flowers, go out in the rain, laugh at things. I have some lovely friends in work, out of work and online, I am lucky.
I will be as positive as I can be.Starting tomorrow - no not tomorrow NOW!

OOOhhhh tomorrow I am off to Cadbury World in Birmingham (so an early start for me). I am going on a coach trip for the day with a friens from work and really looking forward to it, to being like a big kid!!!! I might be very good and not eat the free chocolate!!!! The coach leaves at 8.25am. Can't wait!

Oh yeah and this is the hotel that Neil and I are going to stay in (one night) just after my birthday, just the 2 of us on the Great Orme in Llandudno. (got it on special offer for bed and breakfast £56). How cool is that - something to really look forward to!
I am also looking forward to 3 days in Cardiff with Neil and R, we are also going to be meeting up with Neil's publisher friend Steve (from Merther Tydvll or however you spell it) on the Friday whilst we are in Cardiff. This si the travel lodge that we will be at for the 2 nights
Just outside Cardiff, where we are staying. R cannot wait to go around Cardiff (mainly cos she knows that's where Torchwood and some Dr are filmed!). I have been to Cardiff the summer just before I met Neil, I had a friend who lived there and stayed for a few nights with her, can't really remember what it was like though. (it was 20 years ago)

Saturday 31st July 2010

No more chocolate thank you!!!!

SOme pics from our day out (me and a friend from work, N)
Pic taken at our first stop on the way to Birmingham!
On the cocoa bean ride through part of the factory!
Lunch in the cafe
Lunchtime
Pic taken in Bournville village which is surrounding Cadbury World. We went in this tudor house it was lovely
By the fireplace
In the tudor kitchen
In the tudor kitchen
In one of the many rooms
We got to try and the armor (armour?) and several helmets, they were very very heavy. I would have tried on the chain mail but it was too heavy!
Hehe!!!!!!
Part of the house
The gardens surrounding the house
It was lovely and sunny and the church bells were ringing, it was so nice
In the gardens
We were the only one's visiting at the time so we had the place to ourselves

We walked around the village it was very pretty
We had such a nice day, we had a laugh and really enjoyed ourselves. We got lots of chocolate.

Sunday 1st August

Went to mum n dads today with R and Buster. Buster got on ok with mum n dads little dog (jack russell) Milly. Then went up to my sisters (Teresa) and sat in the garden for a while. Buster did not get on so well with their dog (a border terrier) This is what Max looks like (did not have my camera on me today)
He is a lovely dog (1 year old) and very bouncy and energetic) and he chased Buster round the garden but poor little Buster was SO scared. Max is harmless and would just lick Buster like mad but Buster was not happy so we kept them away from each other really.
Went back to mum n dads after Teresa's and stayed there till Neil came and picked us up. TOTALLY not in the mood for Slimming World tomorrow and am seriously thinking of not going anymore, though will probably buy a 6 week countdown and see how well I can do starting TOMORROW.
We watched Sherlock Holmes tonight and then time for bed. No plans as such really for tomorrow cept going to Slimming World then taking Buster (R will come with us too) for a nice long walk and at some point Neil and I will go for a walk round the lake. Rest of the week is work, oh then it's the weekend again! Can't believe it's August already.