Monday 4th January

Weight - 10 st 6.5 lbs (146.5 lbs)
Loss - 2 lbs
Loss so far - 7 lbs

WHEY HEY, I managed to have lost 2 lbs this week. Not quite sure how really. Still, it's a loss. Am going to have a super good week this week. My lower ab is still aching and feeling uncomfortable, though not as bad as it was. It does set it off of I bend down (like when cleaning and picking stuff up off the floor). We shall see. I did have a very painful night on Friday, it hurt so much my lower ab, even a very hot heated pad over that area did not help much, thankfully it did not last long.

Feel v motivated to have a healthier week. MAde a yummy Slimming World recipe of Lentil and orange soup for lunch today and also made some strawberry and sultana scones (also Slimming World recipe) very very easy

Self raising flour 170g (6 oz)
Sweetner - 2 to 3 tablespoons
Muller light yogurt (strawberry) - 1 carton
1 oz low fat spread
1 oz sultanas
Teaspoon baking powder

Sift flour and baking powder, rub in the low fat spread and sweetner. Stir in the sultanas and the carton of strawberry muller light yogurt. Make a dough, roll out and cut about 12 circles. Bake in an oven (at 220) for about 10 to 12 minutes. THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice with some half fat creme fraiche or 0% greek yogurt. The kids loved them with that and a teaspoon of rasberry jam. They are so nice eaten hot out of the over. The nice thing with home baked things is you know exactly what goes in them.

I have been looking into the cost of R and I travelling down to Devon o (to meet Neil down there for our easter holiday). For R and I to go on the train, one way it will cost £155 - OMG that is the same cost of the flippin holiday (the 2 weeks in a caravan only cost £159), so to have to pay that agin just for a one way trip on the train is bloody ridiculous. It is not a lot better to travel on the bus, over £84, not counting the cost of getting to Liverpool first.

So, I have decided that we will go down to Brighton with Neil and R and I will stay in another hotel (can't stay in the one Neil is staying in cos it's over £200, the cost has gone up cos that weekend there is the World Horror Convention in that hotel, which Neil is attending - though he got it special offer ages ago.
For R and I to stay 2 mights B&B in a hotel is about £115 for bed and breakfast. Not that I want to be paying more when we have not even got to Devon yet, but still, there are no other options. I shall hunt around for a cheaper B&B or hotel first though. The 2 weeks away at £159 is SUPER but it is getting silly that we are having to pay almost that for R and I to actualy get down there. It is a bit unfortunate that Neils convention has fallen the same weekend we are to get to Devon. He is going to Brighton on the Thursday and our Devon holiday starts on the Saturday and it is too far for him to drive back up here for us. Ah well.
J is joining us in the 2nd week and I am thinking about getting him a students rail card, make the trip to Devon much cheaper, though is £26 for the rail card for the year. He does go on the train though to other places so a rail card is not a bad idea.

 Tuesday 5th Jan 2010

I live about 2 and a half miles away from the hospital - took me 2 and a half hours to get home tonight. Left work with Elaine (in her car) took 1 hour (one hour yes) to get off the hospital grounds - and they are not that big. Crawled home, wheels spinning on ALL cars. many cars abandoned, loads stuck not being able to move. Got to Elaines house just about and then had to walk almost a mile home in the SNOW
Actually it was pretty easy to walk on the pavements, the snow was fairly deep and crunchy. The roads however were like sheets of ice so crossing them was not fun. Neil met me halfway as it was dark and COLD Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........

R's school is closed tomorrow, J is not sure if college is closed and knowing him he will walk it there (is quite a long way) just to see if they are open. He walked home from college today. The UK falls apart when we get snow and it's not even a massive amount round here, wll ok, it is a lot but not as much as in other parts of the world! There was such chaos on the roads today. I have decided to walk it into work tomorrow, no sense in making Neil go out in the car when the roads are so icy. So I have got to set off about 7.30am for work - double Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr........................

Am only on a half day tomorrow so am so determined to go and make a snowman with R when I get home so the snow had better still be around then!!!!!!! It never stays very long in this country.

Ate 2 bowlfuls of the chicken and noodle and sweetcorn soup I had made for tomorrow and am now suffering (ie VERY BLOATED) damn! HAve not done ANY exercise lately (stupid treadmill just sits there looking at me) but may get out and play in the snow tomorrow with R so this will burn off a few cals. I think...welll, no, I know dancing will be cancelled tomorrow night. Been okish on food I guess though am still eating just a little bit too much really. But have been super good avoiding alcohol, in fact I do not miss it at all, well, much.

Snow is so pretty - time for sleep now, night night

 Wed 6th January

Neil walked me into work this morning, we set off at 7.30am and I got to work 8.40am.....it normally only takes me 20 minutes to half an hour to get to work if walking.
Did okish on diet today though have had some chocolate this evening which is just what you need when the weather is bad isin't it?

I've put a beef stew in my slow cooker for tomorrow and will add some dumplings to it before serving....MMmmmmm.....

Not sure if walking to work tomorrow or going in car with lift from colleague?

Got up at 5am this morning cos that was the time the alarm went off cos it was set for then cos J was going to set off to Birkenhead at 5.30am to go to Jess's - not a good idea I thought. Anyway thought I could get back to sleep till about 6.30am but couldn't so got up and got ready for work. In the end J did not go to Birkenhead as Jess was staying in for the day (v sensible).

Neil managed to get to my work at 12.30pm to pick me up today, cars were travelling very slow on the roads. I don't think we have any more snow for here to come but you never know.

 Saturday 9th January 2010

Spent ALL of yesterday in the hospital (not working). I went to my GP for ermmmm....smear test at 9am and she sent me to the Surgical Assesment Ward at the hospital cos she thought it (the pain) might be my appendix - can't speel that!). So got kept in till 7pm last night. And no it isn't my appendix. Now I have to VERY make sure I go for my planned pelvic scan next Saturday.

Here are some pics of the snow.

Me walking to work on Wednesday at 7.30am - took me over an hour to get there (normally a half hour journey)
Just by the parking area at the hospital on Tuesday when we left work
By a pub on the way to the hospital where Neil and I decided to cut through to the hospital grounds but we got lost so had to double back to the main road!
This is where we got lost, normally there are well defined paths so you know which way to go!!!!
Where we got lost, Neil said "we are lost aren't we"! I said "No, I've been this way LOADS of times"
Where is the hospital?????
Road up to the village

End of our road
Look at our holly tree
The back garden
Neil when he walked me to work.

The snow is still here and frozen and VERY slipperey. Don't think I will venture out in it today. Not sure if we have more snow planned??????

Been good and not so good on the diet, half and half really. My scales said I was 142 lbs this morning (10 st 2 lbs) which means according to ours I have had a lost - not sure about that as don't think I have been good enough on diet to have gone down to that weight??????????

 Sunday 10th January 2010

Have totally convinced myself I have ovarian cancer. I have all the symptoms, so I believe. OMG I am SO stressed and anxious and in a total panic all the time. Then every now and then I calm down and think "oh don't be stupid" then that does not last for long and I am in a panic again.
I know I have to wait till the pelvic ultrasound on the 16th. I can't stop worrying and thinking the worst though. I went on a site for people with OC and their stories sound like MINE. One woman even said she was sent to the hospital cos they thought it might be her appendix. I am still gettting pain (mainly right side but often middle and left). Am errr....constantly constipated some) Sorry!, my heart is racing constantly (fear?!) Am feeling bloated, though not normally in the morning, just as the day goes on. My back is aching at times.

Arggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I cannot stop worrying, it is just impossible. I keep thinking that what is wrong with me CAN'T be anything other than Ovarian Cancer, that it is simply that. So am megga stressing and cannot relax AT ALL.

I go get weighed in the morning and if I have lost weight I will think it's because I have cancer as am not trying very well on the diet plan, if I have gained weight I will think it's cos I have cancer, the tumour or whatever growing (though Hmmmm....is probably the chocolate, oh and the chips I had Friday night after I got back from the hospital and the mince pie I had the other day and all that sort of stuff!). Am not happy that my scales say I have lost weight, not happy about that at all. They asked me in the hospital was I losing weight without trying? Of course I said no, didn't even say I was trying to lose weight.

Hospital gave me Fibogel for constipation which is not doing anything for me. Am sitting by the computer now and my abdomen is hurting so my brain is saying OF COURSE it is HURTING, COS I HAVE CANCER, what else could it be?

Am a nervous stressed out worrying anxious wreck.